CLOGS NEW REGIME - DAY 3 - NO SHOW !

Disaster struck !!!!

Clog did a no show last nite 4 his workout. I tried ringing him but his fone was switched off. Electra Myers fone was constantly busy so I went to another number on my speed dial – Lukees lass. I asked if Lukee was there to see if he knew where Clog was. She sed Lukee was was still wandering around Fyndoune waiting 4 training to start, in the background of her fone I could hear shouts and screams of “Uncle Hetton, Shearer, Michael Owen” so I hung up.

One of my many GMTV contacts got on the fone to me and sed there had been a sighting of Clog in Durham. I got in my Ferrari n headed to Durham. First I searched Dominos pizza – no Clog, Subway – no sign of him, Burger King – no Clog and I then checked the bins near Greggs but there was still no sign of him. I felt defeated so I went for an OJ in Yates.

Just as I sat down, there I saw larger than life in the Chinese buffet opposite – you guessed it Clogger !! Sun Ji Park had seduced him there !! I went over n Clog had duck, beef, chicken, noodles, fried rice, curry, spare ribs, spring rolls, prawn crackers and a chang beer – he had the full works

Clog seemed shocked to see me and broke down in tears saying fatty food was 2 hard 2 resist. I told him I was here to help and I wud not let it beat him if only he wud commit to my regime. He promised this wud never happen again and sed he will b back 2 mine tonite

Please everyone support him, he needs his team mates help in this difficult time !!

Come on Clog u can do it !!

Long live the star jump
Mr Motivator

Ok Uncle Paul I must confess me and your lass have been having a couple of rendezvous without your knowing

Last night when your lass was on the phone to Motivator i tried to be quiet but I was reaching a climax if you get my meaning

Sorry uncle paul

I try to restrain myself when i'm on the brink
I was sweating profusely and full of anticipation and excitement

I couldn't take it any longer I prefer doing it together but she was on the phone

I had no choice my uncle paul........

Shearer, WwwwwOOOOONNNEEEEEYYYYY, UNCLE HETTON, MICHAEL OWEN I SCREAMED WITH DElIGHT

the phone went dead and your lovely girl joined me in the final push of satisfaction

I know i should have told you i had been calling round!





My dream team where in the fa cup final in a penalty shoot out on the nintendo my mam got from the boot sale up in stanley the other week
my heroes won 4 - 6 in the shootout but the other side lifted the cup....i didn't get that bit

(hope that explains the noises)

Me mam got some money in a brown envelope off a stranger but he said he had come from washington
he had a scruffy stubbly beard and smoked a lot, stunk of cans and had a dirty sunderand pinny badge in his lapel

i chinned him and my mam said thanks to me.....she kicked him in the nuts and said that was for the bus stop......i was so confused

she said he was a tosser from county hall? please help me locate this man i think he may be me dad

Uncle paul please don't spank your missus she was only trying to get me away from hanging out in the witton park

clogs and mr m

thanks for being my alibies on tuesday night.....now the secrets out you know i wasn't with you but was looking after another....while a fool was running round the snow

Im really sorry to hear about Cloggs letting you down. For future reference. If it happens again and the big man goes awol, have a look in nobles, betting shops or any place that has a good selection of bandits and gambling machines!!

He also has a gambling problem as well as a weight, shit at football problem and getting caught of your wife having a posh wank problem.

I am pleased to hear he said promised you it will never happen again!!!!

I look forward to hear about tonights workout.

I really think you should push him hard tonight after last nights no show. Show no mercy, make the fat cunt sweat!!

U Northerners r a bunch of posers!! Mr Motivator u shud b concentrating on getting Pugs fit my son.

Why don't sum of u Glen players cum and sign 4 the Wheatsheaf???

Any1 want any tickets 2 cum and c the Trotters?!?!? U no the band with Robin Hood in it???

No you cockney mug!

i cant believe cloggy bot not show up to get fit...i thought he would have with the up cuming rumble on sunday morning after footy. He a coward...he know i will beat him...me and natural element dilly will destroy the bad bad man...then i will begin on kinky keith...then electra all mine....oh....i dream....

We will destroy them all as well as that barry proudfoot if he keep setting his lip up!!

this so called proudfoot a strange man...u know what....he doesnt even deserve the honour of having poem wrote about him as his language so strange....he and clogger are on my list...the list is called 'fat ugly men who are bad and dont like asian men' i may shorten tho....perhaps to 'tossers' it catchier i fink

I cud not give a Jonathon Ross what u think about me Fizzy Drink.

Yeah tossers sounds better, one, a fat one, the other a skinny paracite from London!

i sick of these men mr idiot...they cum to ruin or karma....they not suceed....they have no power over us...they get bored of us soon and leave us in peace....i feel it in the waters....

I think Proudfoot has took the hint!!

Yes you hav had me in Britney Spears all afternoon!! NOT!

Britney Spear? slang for tears? oh plese...u desperate desperate man....

What next, dog and bone ( phone ), apple and pears ( stairs )!!!!!!

Dont tell me you have been away for 20 minutes thinking of something ryhme's with tears!!!!

Finally Spears!!! Well done proudfoot your as fucking simple as Paul Luke!!!

brown bread (dead) winonna ryder (cider)....these silly silly cockney crap...i convinced this the language of what you call 'retards'.